weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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