I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
