i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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