Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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