So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
