Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
