I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
