Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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