we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
