That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
