1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
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