He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
