I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
