It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
