first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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