Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Two words: blizzard sex
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
