That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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