I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
