i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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