Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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