Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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