i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
