chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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