This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
