The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
