From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
