I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
