I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
