Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
