Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
