Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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