My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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