I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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