Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
