I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
