I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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