There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
