Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i now understand why vodka
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
