I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
