Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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