Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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