3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
