I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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