those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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