just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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