I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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