Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
