dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
