i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
