All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
