Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
