I'm gonna have a badass scar
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
