You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
