Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
