great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
