so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
